To the church of Blue Sky in Loveland, to those surrendering their self for the glory of Jesus Christ:
Broken before God
My weakness is what strengthens
My wounds are what heal
The Son of God did not come to call the righteous, but sinners. The reason I must fall to my knees and submit to the body of Christ is the same reason I must go to the doctor when I break a bone. When I wake up and don't surrender my broken soul for healing, trying to desperately "walk it off," it only gets worse. It is only when I concede to my inner most self that I am powerless, and make a voluntary submission of my life for Christ's Kingdom, does any healing begin to begin.
It's easy with any spiritual practice or discipline, including action-orientated Christianity, to create a working routine. The routine works because a powerless man like me draws power, strength and direction from the spiritual practice or discipline. Without the routine of the discipline my life would virtually fall apart. However, as Screwtape explains to Wormwood in his fourth letter, there are ways of distracting Christian disciples. There are ways, Screwtape explains, "to turn their gaze away" from Screwtape's Enemy (God) to themselves.
Screwtape writes:
When they meant to ask Him for charity, let them, instead, start trying to manufacture charitable feelings for themselves and not notice what they are doing. When they meant to pray for courage, let them really be trying to feel brave. When they say they are praying for forgiveness, let them be trying to feel forgiven. Teach them to estimate the value of each prayer by their success in producing the desired feeling; and never let them suspect how much success or failure of that kind depends on whether they are well or ill, fresh or tired, at the moment. (C.S. Lewis, "The Screwtape Letters")
When my gaze becomes focused on myself I begin to worship the routine of worship. I worship my weekly Sunday outing, what outfit I am going to wear, how my hair is going to look and the people I may encounter. I worship all the wonderful blessings in my life. I worship the job I have, car I drive, the roof over my head, all the people that show me love and attention and I forget to be grateful and to thank the Blesser. I slowly start to love God's gifts more than God.
When my gaze is focused on myself I also begin to think I am more spiritually evolved than I am. A friend of mine, and spiritual adviser of sorts, used to say he was a spiritual infant. I laughed and asked, "What does that make me, a spiritual embryo?" I am prey to spiritual pride and spiritual giant-atitis, in some cases the worst sin of all. When I place myself before God, I worship myself as God. Such a case happened to one angel in particular, you may recall.
As I near the halfway point of the Lenten Pilgrimage, I realize more than anything how I need to take the Word of Jesus spoken to Levi to heart. I need the words "follow me" to shadow me now, and throughout the spring, summer, fall and winter of every season to come. Jesus said, "Follow me," and I must follow the heart of God. Like so many of us, I focus on the splinters in others and not the planks in myself. Or I do the reverse pride thing and think the plank in me is dreadfully unimaginable. Only to find later I am in the company of countless others in the same boat of sin. I forget we've all been forgiven by the furious love and grace of God. Grace means we don't deserve it. And I don't, but in fact I do because I am God's property. He can do with me whatever He wants. He can pay me the same for working the whole day through, as He pays another working only an hour or two.
Jesus' next statement, in the breath after saying "follow me" to Levi, gives me hope and encouragement. When the Pharisee's asked Jesus why He was eating with tax collectors and sinners, Jesus responded by saying, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." All I can say is Jesus is the doctor of my soul...my soul doctor. And I pray He forever keeps me wide awake to my selfishness, my self-centeredness, and my sinfulness. I am God's ally and I would be walking into the hands of Screwtape and company if I claimed righteousness outside the grace, love, and mercy of Jesus Christ our Lord. He is my Deliverer.
Faithfully,
Adam Mackie
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